ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
