Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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