I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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