I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
