People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
