just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I need water and some morals
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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