; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
