worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
