Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Alive.
So much puke
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
