Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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