I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
