are you still at the devil's house?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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