you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
