I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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