No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Text me some of your sweat
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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