There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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