coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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