stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she told me i tasted like america
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So here I am, sexting at work.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
