had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
