I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
