Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
