I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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