don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
