last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthdayâ€
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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