There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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