When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
