Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
