Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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