Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
