he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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