It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
