you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
