He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
