bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
