Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
