That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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