Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
