Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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