Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
