Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
