everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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