my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
