I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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