dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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