Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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