I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
