Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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