First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Houston, we have a squirter
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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