Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
