oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
