we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize