she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
