oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
