Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
