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How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
