I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
