I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
