If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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