It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
