living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
