STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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