Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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