OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
