dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
