he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
where are my eyebrows?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
