i just google imaged poop.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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