Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize