It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
