Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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