i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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