how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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