I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
