my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
