Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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