My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
