3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Duck Duck Cougar?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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