so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
