you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
