so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
